In the Beginning, I Did Not Know — Verse 2 — Becoming Aamir feat. Murjoni
Did you think gifts would erase what you said?
Words cut deep.
why didn’t you tell me that I was beautiful?
This is not a poem.
Fuck what looks good when written on paper,
and read by unknowing eyes,
or heard by open ears.
These are my words and this is my life
I just choose to give you a glimpse into what makes me tick.
Excuse me if I come off a little rude —
But I’m never ignorant to the ways of the world.
don’t get this shit twisted though
This is not a poem.
These are not words that
I carefully put in places
to manipulate the feelings and thoughts
of everyone sitting here
Because sometimes that’s what I do.
This is me speaking to you.
As your eyes are speaking to me.
Not giving a damn about how you take this.
All your opinions are like ass holes, everyone has one.
But don’t let this perception of me deceive you….
Maybe I should explain.
Inside of me
there is this girl
if you knew her
the things she has done
you would look down on her
When her self-esteem is already 6 feet beneath her feet.
so she could maybe feel pretty,
When they were done dicking her down
she felt nothing but guilty.
Scrubbing the dirt from her immature body,
The coming day naive to the next man that said she was pretty.
The hate within herself made her search for love outside herself.
All of the
Made her willing
Down to do any and everything, just to feel special.
But when the willing are no longer willing,
Bad things always happen.
On more than several occasions —
Her cries of no meant nothing.
And her life before the age of 14
except for her guilt,
washed away down a shower drain, no recollection.
Satisfaction lies not in the eyes of those around you, but within yourself.
If I had taken that advice —
This little girl inside would not have been battered and bruised by many
But strong and tall overflowing with confidence.
I did not take it
I just wanted to be it.
In that, a new me rose
from the pile
of dirt and guilt
To protect that little girl
Not change her for better, just cover her make her look better.
I wanted to be the one holding the gun —
not the one it was being pointed at.
Hid the real me to expose my stronger ego.
Becoming more like those men who said she was special
Cause niggas like them did not have issues like her.
Look like them
Talk like them
Cold like them
Now this nothing to do with my identity,
But I be damned if I let another man dictate whether she will genuinely smile again.
I be damned if those people look down on her.
And I will give my life before she has to relive her past, again.
Not a damn thing I want anyone to say because,
I am not looking for your sympathy
She does not want your opinions
Go to hell with your deception.
I am no lesson to the wise,
Or a morsel for the belligerent.
This is just what it is.
Not a poem or a limerick
To be continued.