Meet the Curator Wilde Thoughts

Meet the Curator. Tape A. Side 1.

April 8, 2019

Define yourself Wilde.

I want to introduce you all to my mind. I have attempted to share it in conversation with innumerable individuals on countless occasions to mixed reviews.

So. I will attempt to share it here. On Herstun. With you and myself. Starting with A, and going in whatever order I choose.

Welcome to 101.5 Wilde Thoughts. Meet the Curator. Tape A. Side 1. (Companion Track — Welcome to America — Lecrae)

I’ve always been told I was a bit aggressive for my stature.

Or maybe for my gender.

I am not really sure.

Or maybe it was that I was astute for my gender.

Perhaps that was it.

Or for my color.

Can never be sure.

The world doesn’t hide from black women,

yet we expect black women to hide from the world.

Welcome to America.

Whatever it is, it isn’t quite ladylike in the way we have been taught to traditionally accept the term.

Should I be posh? What is posh in 2019? Hm.

I think it creates an ambivalence.

Lol. After a while, people are like, huh?

She’s quite the lady, but never quite a lady. Huh.

And it is what usually leads to the misconception that I’m angry.

Well.

I am not precisely happy all the time y’all.

If you must know.

So much death in HD in 2019.

I don’t always have bright thoughts to match bright words to reflect high aspirations.

Welcome to America.

What is it about aspiration

that causes anxiety?

You just need to try harder.

Aspire. Always aspire. Always.

Is it anxiety?

Just want to get it right the best you can, right?

Want a chance to make your breath matter.

Work Harder.

Well, in 2019,

can you make your Twitter fingers matter?

But I am still breathing on the other end…

Astute.

Shrewd.

My grandmother is astute.

It’s absolutely impossible to define myself.

Facts have always suited me in their ambivalence.

What is impossible?

What are definitions?

What is a fact and what isn’t?

Welcome to America.

Rene Descartes and I would ponder it into eternity I’m sure.

When mankind can question his own existence so thoroughly and remain so largely ignorant…

And yet you ask

why am I afraid?

Because

I don’t know.

I am ambivalent.

This could work.

What is this?

This could fail.

People could love it.

People could learn from it.

Half my friends ghosted.

Its because this is stupid.

Its because you are stupid.

Stop showing off.

Aspire.

Alone. 

Stop it.

Queen got you.

Focus.

Be creative.

Work harder.

Accept failure.

Embrace rejection.

And still, keep pushing.

You’re obsessed.

Aspire.

Astute ambivalence.

Astute enough to be ambivalent.

I love America.

My anxiety has caused me to question the accuracy of my aspirations. Making me ambivalent about my ability to achieve anything I’ve dreamed about.

Dreams are just animated assumptions.

My adequacy.

Am I inadequate?

My anger.

I don’t think I’m angry.

My aggression.

Am I aggressive?

Alone.

Why does it matter so much that you define me?

Why does it matter so much that I define you?

What are we aspiring to?

Where do we expect to arrive?

Is it the desired arrival that causes us anxiety as we attempt to believe?

Or are we all just pushing to be alone?

Alone in our homes with our families and our views and our assurances.

Attempting to believe in our animated assumptions about our futures.

And the futures of our kids.

Attempt.

Over-and-over-and-over.

Constant motion. Constant ambition.

Ambition is America. Ambition is humanity.

Anger and aggression bleed into a mind astute enough to be aware that America needs more than ambition we need these animated assumptions [dream] to be achievable. Our aspirations, we need our aspirations. We need to believe. We need to dream. We need —

 Art.

I need Art.

Heal

Touch

Unify

Accept

It has always been about Art.

Define yourself Wilde.

Ladylike. ✌🏾

 

Define art.

On the next Wilde Thoughts.

Thanks for kicking it with me on Herstun FM Readio. I still think it feels stupid y’all. That doesn’t make me love it any less. And there seem to be some people enjoying it too.

So I’m going to press on because I feel driven to something. I don’t know if it’s going to work. Ha. Don’t know what it is yet. But I sure know that it has helped me grow. So much. And I know a few of you are fucking with me the long way. You growing too. I appreciate that. Big facts. And now I’m looking for people who love people like I do. To share a forum that focuses our pain and hopes for a better future on something we can all appreciate.

Not an artist, you say?

You probably are.

Find out why next time.

On 101.5 Wilde Thoughts.

#LetsGrow

Credits

Written & Edited by Herstun.

I wish I could curate my own work. Maybe the next side of Tape A — Art. Stay Tuned.

Dubba p. poetry-7
Dedicated to Queen. For always asking what is going through my mind. And trying to understand.
meet the curator
Curated By: W.D. Herstun

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  1. Wow, now this is one of the most unique ways I have ever seen anyone describe themselves. The struggles with being a black woman in America, but then to include to being an astute woman in general! Living outside the standards while being expected to conform. I love this!

  2. That definition of lady-like. Well bred? Am I bred? Am I a breed? Which breed am I? Humanity. One breed. Different.

    I love your art. Keep reading. I’ll keep readioing it.

  3. I don’t think there are words to define exactly how I feel about this post…creative, insightful, introspective, wise, inspiring, encouraging, bold…I could keep going! I loved the words, the artistry, the heart in it! So very very beautiful!!

  4. Wow I don’t know how to describe this post but I kept reading it over and over again . its so creative . and relatable . my mind is crazy but yours is more .

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