I really only had 2 options growing up,
- Option 1. Become a black queen, causing stereotypes to be broken and live up to my highest potential.
- Option 2. Or be a black hoe, living up to the status quo that was constantly being embedded!
I heard it every day and it made me question my sexuality.
All because I showed interest in the opposite sex?
All because the pubescent stage of my life was in full effect and drew attention from men with ill intentions?
It wasn’t my fault!
It wasn’t my fault, you know?
I’m not saying the good times didn’t exist and I’m not saying you did anything on purpose.
You couldn’t help it!
Hurt people hurt people, you know?
Maybe focusing on being the opposite made it become the exact opposite.
I used to blame you, you know?
Because like the status quo,
You fell victim to the plague entrenching our society, accepting what was designed to destroy our culture.
And because mental health is taboo in our community, you avoided treatment and allowed your sickness to become contagious within your own home.
And as it slowly migrated through each of us, I couldn’t help to think it hit me the hardest, affecting my mentality before
Dreams of a better life beyond my reality became the norm and I even reflected on reincarnating my spirit because I hated what my current one embodied.
I blamed you, you know?
Hurt people, they hurt people.
And the effects of your pain…I felt directly
Self-hate the diagnosis, a virus that was excreted from you to me and unfortunately, there wasn’t anything that could be prescribed as a cure.
It had to run its course.
A course that persevered for 16 years with no remorse.
I used to blame you, you know.
Now I know, that true blame lies with the status quo.