The 19 Lessons of 2019 are brought to us by Herstun’s resident Queen. She is not with us often, but when she is, her content is some of the most popular on the site. Queen is a 30-something working mom, entrepreneur, & stylist living in Atlanta and raising five kids with her husband. Let’s see what 2019 taught her.
As 2019 is coming to a close I have done some self-reflecting.
For me, self-reflection looks like thinking about things I will start doing, things I will stop doing, and things I will continue to do.
Here is a “countdown” to 19 lessons that I’ve learned this year, no particular order.
19 Lessons 2019 Taught Me: 19
19. People who can’t be honest with themselves, can’t be honest with you.
19 Lessons 2019 Taught Me: 18 – 17
18. People can’t give what they don’t have. – this is not just in reference to material things. Too often we may want emotions or support from people that they just are not capable of providing. Learn to be ok with that.
17. No. <—- that’s a complete sentence.
Nothing additional is needed.
19 Lessons 2019 Taught Me: 16
16. Beyoncé and I really don’t have the same 24 hours. I used to be so hard on myself, saying Beyoncé and I have the same 24 hours and in truth, I don’t feel like we do. She has nannies, chefs, drivers, etc so in reality, we are not operating in the same 24 hours.
19 Lessons 2019 Taught Me: 15
15. Apply to the job! – Even if you don’t meet ALL the qualifications, apply anyway. The worst thing that could happen is that you get denied, but they could also say yes. Take a chance on you.
19 Lessons 2019 Taught Me: 14
14. Parenting is HARD. in addition, there is no official manual or handbook.
19 Lessons 2019 Taught Me: 13
13. You really don’t need that stuff from Target. I was embarrassed when I downloaded the new target app and it showed me how much I’ve spent on each trip to Target, it also shows all the things you purchased! As a result, I’ve cut back on my Target trips and I have a few extra dollars.
19 Lessons 2019 Taught Me: 12, 11, 10
12. Stop apologizing for stuff you didn’t do. Periodt.
11. Ask for what you want. People are not mind readers and can only fulfill a request that they know about.
10. Give yourself more grace. I am a harsh critic of myself. I have learned to love myself a little more.
19 Lessons 2019 Taught Me: 9, 8, 7
9. Make sure people know how you feel about them. If you love someone let them know!
8. You owe it to yourself to grow. At some point in my life, I used to get offended if people told me that I had changed. Now, if someone has told me that I’ve changed I take it as a true compliment. I am supposed to change and grow.
7. Don’t show up to every place you are invited. I had to learn there are some spaces I don’t need to be in and some energy I don’t need to be around.
19 Lessons 2019 Taught Me: 6, 5
6. Stop wasting people’s time, including your own. Time is the only currency that you cannot purchase or replace.
With that being said–
5. Show up on time. I have been intentional about arriving places on time and not having people waiting on me.
19 Lessons 2019 Taught Me: 4, 3, 2
4. Get a good therapist.
3. Ask for help. I’m still struggling with this, but I am committed to improving in this area.
2. Peace is more important than money.
1. Even if you tell your side of the story, THEY will still believe whatever! LET THEM THINK WHATEVER! – just live your life!
Written By Queen. Edited By W. D. Herstun.
I definitely agree with all of the above sentiments. And I am sure that 12 came out of my pen. I apologize too much. But, I want to stop. This is my space and I belong here. And I have an amazing therapist. So number 4 on the countdown is my jam. She has changed my life. And number 2 is a life philosophy. I have met people with plenty of money and no peace. I want none of that. Not to mention, I have some spiritual issues with the level of opulence that has attached itself to American capitalism and industry. But these are tales for another post.
Five of the biggest lessons I learned this year outside of Queen’s were:
- Trust myself more. Creatively, professionally, all of that. (This possibly goes along with Queen’s giving myself grace. It is a key step in the self-trust process. You will eff up. But that’s ok. You are still capable.)
- It is ok to change your mind. As a matter of fact, its essential that you be willing to change your mind as new information becomes available and in today’s day and age that is frequent. Otherwise, you will remain stagnant. Be inflexible in your faith and radical with your love and acceptance but open in all other aspects to perspectives that have more knowledge than your own.
- Talk less. I want to talk less this year. I think that is a weird aspiration but I wonder what the world is like if you are more silent.
- Be yourself because the world is overrun with people trying to be someone else.
- Adventure is partially about adapting to things out of your control. Becoming comfortable in the unknown will be a key component to my success.